fergie's Diaryland Diary
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it all comes back to me
OK, now I'm starting to get worried. Where the hell is my cat?!?
Let's think about this from the most important perspective, which clearly is how it effects me. Sure she might be lost or starving or flat as a pancake on the side of the road, but I feel abandoned.
4:44 p.m. - May. 16, 2003
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patriot
This morning, another cunt with an american flag bumper sticker displayed a uniquie mix of rudness and aggression that only a true patriot can posses.
After cutting off a truck and shooting over into my lane, thus cutting me off, I slid over to the far right to get away from him. As it often happens, the two lanes of traffic changed pace, and I quickly got in front of him. Not twenty seconds later, a car in front of me was stopped to turn right, and when I started to move into the middle lane, guess which ass-hole cut back over and honked -- honked -- at me for trying to merge in front of him? Yup, the patriot.
And he was driving a Honda.
It's so easy to get into a confrontation on the streets of L.A. I've been known to defend my turf and chase people down, but this time I wanted to be a kindler, gentler fergie. Ok, instead of cutting in front of him and starting a street race, I gave him the finger as he passed me.
My therapist tells me every little bit helps. But then again, that's what I pay him for. I didn't tell him I wrote down the plate number and am going to report the car stolen.
10:10 a.m. - May. 14, 2003
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bad daddy
The apartment is quiet.
There is no sound of crashing trashcans, no broken glass or scattered papers in the morning. There is only blissful silence while I write.
Maybe I don�t even miss kitty.
G-d, I�m such a bad parent. I should go out and look for her or something.
8:58 p.m. - May. 13, 2003
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Fuck off, sandwich boy.
Are your 15 minutes up yet?
So, Jared, the now famous sub-way guy who lost all that weight by actually eating like one human being instead of five, I'm fucking sick of you. I say your time was up about 3 rounds of commercials ago. I really don't give a shit that you traded the bags of chips, ice cream, and oreo cookies for a six-inch cold-cut trio and diet coke. As a matter of fact, I truly don't see why you were ever applauded for it in the first place.
So you lost some weight, big fucking deal. If you hadn't spent several years grazing like some damn cow you wouldn't have become so vastly overweight to begin with. I get so sick of people being praised for reforming themselves from some self-imposed addiction.
Oh, I know this really goes against the grain in America. I know our culture loves to make a success story out of just about any degenerate who gets a make-over, because all it takes to sway opinion about your actions or persona in this country are some new clothes and fucking highlights in your hair.
It's sure nice that Jared lost the weight, and I know that many other people have trouble with their diet, but get over it. I fully understand how hard it is to change poor habits and actually be dedicated to something, but that doesn't mean you've done anything exceptional. It just means you're not a lazy fat ass anymore. Wow, congratulations.
Truth is, addiction is a mask. For anyone that has suffered a great pain or loss in their life, addiction to food, sex, drugs, etc. is simply a way to drown those feelings out. The vice itself is never really the problem, it covers the problem. Those who become consumed with trying to cure their addiction and never focus on what brought them to that place can never truly be �cured� even if they kick their habit. It�s amazingly simple: You�re not unhappy because you�re an addict, you�re unhappy and it�s turned you into an addict. Face the real demon, and remember that just because some stupid Cosmo fucking magazine says you have to be thin, that you can�t change things from the outside in. A beautiful house with wood rot will fall apart no matter how pretty the fa�ade.
What truly makes this a sick sad world is that corporations like sub-way are perfectly willing to take full advantage of the situation to turn a buck. They don�t give a shit if Jared is happy or satisfied with his life; all they care about is that some fat geek lost a bunch of weight by living off their lettuce sandwiches and that they can turn this into a sale point to bring in more customers.
Well screw you sub-way, and your poster boy too.
7:47 p.m. - May. 12, 2003
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missing
MISSING: chaos kitty
Have you seen my kitty? She�s an all black cat that may cross your path. It would be very bad luck not to help her find her way back home, now wouldn�t it? Look at the picture again! Have you seen this kitty? Think!!
Please call 555-5455 if you have seen her. Do not approach, or approach with extreme caution. Warning. This cat is evil. She may lie on her back and ask you to scratch her tummy, but she will only latch on to you with her legs, claws digging into your arm, which she will attempt to climb up to your face so she can eat your lips. She loves lips. So don�t try to take her home just because she�s all soft and furry.
4:02 p.m. - May. 09, 2003
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Kitty go bye-bye
Kitty go bye-bye.
As usual, I left the apartment door open when I went to get my laundry. Upon coming back in, I noticed one of my thongs had fallen out of the basket. I quickly turned to pick it up, not wanting anyone to steal my underwear again. In a flash of black fur with Matrix-style speed around the corner, mean kitty chaos crashed through a door at the end of the hallway, rolled down the stairs on the other side, and ran off into the night.
Most people would be afraid their beloved pet might get hurt out on their own. I�m afraid for the other pets in the neighborhood, maybe even small children. Tonight, it�s cat scratch fever.
Ever hear two cats fighting? It is a sound from the orchestra of hell. My beloved little demon, known for eating through laundry and protecting the apartment from uninvited guests, is out to make some music.
Still, I hope she comes home soon. There were so many bodies last time.
9:39 p.m. - May. 08, 2003
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