fergie's Diaryland Diary
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punk rock devil
Punk Rock Devil.
More on the Fotopage.
11:56 p.m. - Oct. 31, 2004
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Happy Holloween From Mama Fergie!
This year, my Halloween card from Mama Fergie was electronic. Mom's old fashioned in some ways, I'm pretty sure she still writes Thank You notes for holiday & birthday gifts. She�s more than techni-capable, but outside of work she rarely sits in front of the monitor. Naturally, it was a bit of a surprise to get an email from her. I never would have expected my card would be a personalized photo with her in full witch regalia, snapped while taking a break from her frightful duties at the Haunted House [otherwise known as Aunt Carol�s]. Yes, that's my mom in the pic below [on the right, wearing the wig]. Yes, I know she's hot, where do you think I got it from?
7:21 p.m. - Oct. 31, 2004
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nincompoopery
As a safer-sex guru, I get a lot of questions. Sometimes I wonder where people come up with the time for such obvious nincompoopery. Yes, that�s a real word. Look it up and then consider the following:
Are there special condoms made for use underwater?
No, and putting a rubber band around the base to keep the water out is not recommended.
It is okay to use spit as lubricant?
Yes, but it�s gross.
3:15 p.m. - Oct. 29, 2004
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Cass & Wendell
I often wonder how that fabulously gay penguin couple, Cass & Wendell, are doing in their New York Aquarium home. It�s been two years since I stumbled upon this article and I�m craving an update on all the bird drama over in Brooklyn. They should totally have their own reality show. Or like, a webcam or something.
3:15 p.m. - Oct. 24, 2004
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human phallus
I am such a dork.
Make that "I am such a human phallus." This is what happens when the CEO approves happy hour at the office. It's impossible to resist the fantastic props our stockroom provides.
The evidence of such folly is best kept locked in our collective memory. I mean, come on! Here I am, a living brand�, and yet I allow my associates to take advantage of our playtime. No exclusivity or limited distribution rights, I didn't get final photo approval, fuck, there wasn't a contract, no fee! Had I been in a more sober state, I wouldn't have even considered personally endorsing a product without calling my agent first.
To others, it says, "When he wants to relax and have fun, Fergie enjoys wearing this nifty nylon condom suit while standing around giving thumbs-up." Because I have such a massive and direct impact on the way people think, act, and undress, my publicist and attorney repeatedly stress it�s important not to advocate jumping off bridges or other similarly stupid imitable acts without issuing a disclaimer. I dropped the ball on that one. My reps are seeking the addition of a caption under the picture that reads, Trained professional. Do not attempt this at home; being a complete tool isn't as easy, cool, or glamorous as Fergie makes it look. May cause physical or emotional injury to yourself/others. Costume is for novelty purposes only.
I am sincerely grateful for one thing. The other photos, a more risqu� set involving vibrating bathtub duckies and furry cuffs, were all deleted before Kevin took his camera back.
8:47 p.m. - Oct. 21, 2004
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shibumi
Word of the day.
Shibumi: "Effortless Perfection"
(n) good taste; astringency; refinement
1:45 a.m. - Oct. 21, 2004
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Is it a date?
Is it a date?
I used to hook-up with this guy. Turned out to be more than just a hook-up, and we casually dated for a couple of months. If that�s what you call it, there was never a clear definition of our relationship. We went to dinner, we hung out, we got naked and stuff. Then he got a job offer and left LA for several months to go work on a motion picture.
Now he�s back. I�ve seen him out a few times and each time he�s asked me out. Whenever we�ve actually made a �date� he�s cancelled. Tonight marks the second week in a row for whatever last minute reason. I realized I�m disappointed because I really enjoy the restaurant we�re planning on going to, so I decided to order take-out on the way home and say to hell with him.
5:55 p.m. - Oct. 20, 2004
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FERGIE�S CA VOTING CHEAT SHEET
FERGIE�S CA VOTING CHEAT SHEET
I�m not saying anyone has to agree with me, but I decided to do a little research into the other issues on the ballot for California. Taking the time to register and vote isn�t that taxing, but it does take a little extra effort to get informed. Why go only half-way? We've got a few weeks, if anyone has something they want to add, email me or sign the guest book..in the meantime, I'm going to get my halloween costume together.
California voters | Online voting info: SmartVoter.org & Vote-Smart.org
Prop 1A: Local Gov Revenues [Y] Basically supposed to keep local city taxes local, and stop the state legislature from using local government funds. This proposition can be suspended if the Governator and two thirds of the state legislature agrees. This sounds like a solid idea, and would at least micromanage some of the tax-flow. I question weather it also ensures rich areas with posh services and poor areas with crappy ones. Another radical thought it that it�s not the responsibility of those who attain wealth to support those who should work for it themselves. I�ve been working my ass off for years, and I won�t lie about wanting to keep my first billion all to myself. Sorry poor kids, I earned it. California, like most urban melting pots, is culturally segregated. What will be the long-term effects of segregating its local services?
Prop 59: Public records, open meetings: [Y] Allows citizens the right to access Gov meeting notes and documents, right to request copies of government meeting notes/records. I�m not sure how distribution or dissemination of the information will be regulated. Anyone that�s ever tried to read government material knows this measure does little to actually inform the general public.
Prop 60: Party Election Rights [Y] I think this is supposed to allow any registered party member to vote for any party of their choosing at the primary. This would be a step towards more independent parties making the ballot.
Prop 60A: Sales of surplus property: [N] Uses sale of state property to repay recovery bonds. There is no mandate to sell state owned land in this proposition. The idea is to allow certain monies from one state regulated account [property] to pay off state debt [recovery bonds]. The debt we acquired comes from stupid business decisions. Property always has value. If more intelligent, future forward moves are made, homes and schools can be provided to Californians at a profit to the state. Form a separate, specific recovery bonds initiative to pay off the debt. Devise other ways for the state to generate income, more work needs to be done on this one.
Prop 61: Children�s Hospital Grants [Y] Puts money specifically towards building and renovating children�s hospitals. Con argument is that a few contractors will get rich, large companies that hurt the little guys. Know what? They�re talking about five to ten million dollar contracts here; I�m not sure how many construction companies play at this level to begin with. I�d rather one or two big contracting companies made a few hundred million dollars over no hospitals being built. Healthcare is in a sincere crisis, in case you didn�t know. There�s also a shortage of nurses all over the country. Last year, a "privacy act" went into effect that flattens hospital philanthropic funding by limiting solicitations from their own patients. Many people want their name on a building, but they don�t want to actually pay for it. Large donors usually subsidize salaries, chair positions, and equipment. Hospitals need all they can get, and this measure only ensures seven hundred fifty million across the state. Very little, when you consider the hundreds of hospitals that could benefit from these funds [CA is a world leader in Children�s Hospitals]. In the long run, this benefits much more than a few hospitals in our state, plain and simple.
Prop 62: Election Primaries [N] Complicated, and I don�t understand most of it, except that it apparently mirrors the other LA [Louisiana] 's primary structure, which paved the way for a KKK member to take office. Then again, isn�t the freedom of choice the cornerstone of democratic government? Sometimes the majority is wrong.
Prop 63: Mental Health Tax [N] Taxes the ever popular million and up category of tax-payers for mental health. These are the very same people who have foundations that support various causes, such as mental health. I don�t like the way I�ve seen the state handle these cases, so I�d rather money went to private organizations. Another thing, everyone wants to tax the rich until they themselves become rich. Hardly anyone votes to raise his or her own taxes. There are loopholes many people use to get out of paying taxes. Learn them, you�re entitled to deductions.
Prop 64: Limit Private Enforcement of Unfair Business Practices [N] Two things about this one. First, the law firm the pro-side of the argument uses to make their case has been disbarred. legal system is set up to weed out bad lawyers and set an example to uphold the law. The law, in principle, has integrity. These are the rules we live by. Second, this proposition specifically limits environmental lawsuits against those who violate, destroy, and pollute our planet and it's water supply. Prop 64 is a bad bill.
Prop 65: Tax Revenue Voter Approval [Y] State authority over local government finances would be significantly restricted. In many cases, the state could not change local governmental finances without approval by the voters at a statewide election. [--directly from smartvoter]
Prop 66: Sex offender [Y/N?] Only allows more jail time for a repeat sex offender if the crime is violent. Registered sex offenders may be convicted of consensual sex w/ a minor. For example; a twenty year old and a seventeen year old. I�m having a hard time figuring out how this one will play in the courts. I don�t completely disagree with registering sex offenders, but there are two separate issues. There are those who outright violate the rights of others with intent, and those who violate the age restriction in one section of a state law. A completely separate issue is child molestation [under 15]. Because child molestation may not be considered "violent," I�d like to see an amendment to Prop 66 that requires longer terms for these crimes. --I�m still up in the air on this one.
Prop 67: Phone Tax, otherwise known as the "Emergency Medical Services Telephone Surcharge" [N] $540 million dollar phone tax. Doesn�t set limits. 2.25 percent increase. Absurd. Apparently, it�s also a big fat lie. This is from a statement by the 911 emergency system: "The backers of this initiative are trying to cash in on the good name of the 9-1-1 system, in order to win public support for a tax increase that will do nothing to actually help emergency personnel, or the 9-1-1 emergency system." Ouchie. Another bad bill. If this passes, kiss cheap cell phones goodbye.
Prop 68: Non-tribal Gambling Expansion [N] Vegas is close enough. Money goes to developers, reservations can get under fife percent of the actual revenue.
Prop 70: Tribal Gambling Rights [N] See above. Limit the casinos, period.
Prop 69: DNA criminal database [N] Don�t make it faster to run people back through, fix the gaping hole in the prison system using rehabilitation.
Prop 71: Stem Cell Research [Y] While working on the awareness campaign for CHLA, I saw firsthand the amazing t-cell research being done by top researchers. Science is evolving, and I don�t feel religious beliefs should stand in the way of progress.
Prop 72: State Appointed Health Benefits [N] Throwing billions of dollars at our expense at healthcare isn�t going to make it better. Don�t they even use analysis for this stuff anymore? A stupid, dumb, big waste of money. Will probably pass, making healthcare much more expensive through your employer, which will be mandated by the state. Be prepared to have a crappy HMO and make less money because of it.
US Senate: B. Boxer
House: D. Watson
President/Vice-president: Kerry/Edwards
7:38 p.m. - Oct. 17, 2004
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warning
Warning.
Do not eat sugar-free jellybeans by Think Products. I ate 6 of them for breakfast then immediately went to the bathroom and blasted them out of my ass in liquid form.
Don�t consume this product unless you want to poop. It�s on the label.
12:59 p.m. - Oct. 15, 2004
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03 halloween kicks 04 halloween's ass
I posted a bunch of really fun stuff for Halloween last year. So far, this Halloween is totally lame. Only four entries in the past two weeks, not a single cartoon, one lame graphic. Take a sinful journey back to 03, & start by scrolling to the bottom. It�s really fun, I swear. And the first thing you�ll see is a half naked picture of yours truly! Yee-haw!
Anyway, on top of off the crappy stuff, not a single party invitation has hit my inbox. I haven't even put my costume together yet. It's time to take a moment and get my priorities in order.
10:14 p.m. - Oct. 14, 2004
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kitty @ myspace
Kitty @ MySpace
I�m just glad Chaos Kitty is developing a social life, rather than ransacking my liquor cabinet when she�s left home alone.
Chaos Kitty - caught in the act!
8:07 p.m. - Oct. 13, 2004
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retraction
My apologies to Barbara Bush.
Many people may consider president monkey-boy many things, but even Dubba would admit he�s a pompous redneck. No doubt he�d flap his token "every dim man" grin in agreement and put his thumb in the air, holding for laughter. Even so, my political advisors inform me that calling him a �son of a bitch� is technically considered mud slinging.
11:11 p.m. - Oct. 11, 2004
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last day to register
Let's get political & stuff
Does anyone remember that time when all the democrats finally got pissed off enough to elect one of their own? It�s that time again. The truth is, your vote doesn�t count unless it�s cast with millions of others just like it.
Registering to vote might not seem like much of a solution to our sad state of affairs, but it could sure as hell kick that redneck pompous son of a bitch out of office. It's time to fire our president.
This is the last day to register for the General Election.
1:00 a.m. - Oct. 08, 2004
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Oct. 04
I just realized I haven't written anything yet this month.
9:06 p.m. - Oct. 05, 2004
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