fergie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the plan
i realized my quest for doing something gay while i was here visiting my family would only take away from my time with them. i would love to have a gay group of friends who i can hang out with when i am here. my best friend lives almost 2 hours away from my parents, so while i always get to see her, it's only for a day or two at most. the rest of the time i spend in my parents house. don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, i love spending time with my family and don't get to do it often. they are not much for night life, however, so after 10 or 11, i am alone and bored. i've gotten my family time in, it's not like i am trying to get away from them or anything. naturally, there is a time when i want to go out and do stuff with people my age who share the same interests. but the fact is i do not have a group of friends here, and trying to establish that in a week is just not possible. so i stopped. i told myself that i was not going to go to gay pride in dayton, as it would have been such an effort to drive all the way down there on saturday, try to make it back at a decent hour (not possible if i were going to a club), and be together for my brother's graduation the next day, which is what i came here for. the plan changed. i didn't have to do anything gay. not if it got in the way of my family. besides, i had to ask myself what i was really going to get out of it. one more night out. possibly one more hook up. big deal. that does not make me a better or cooler person, so it wasn't something to strive for, or anything that would satisfy me for any longer than the duration of the evening. if i had friends here, and it just so happened that we went out to a gay club, then the experience is organic. therefore there was no reason to force the issue. i let it go. and that's when everything worked out so that i could meet my online friend on friday, which comfortably fit into my schedule and wouldn't leave me tired as hell and hung over for the reception on sunday, like going to pride would have. funny how the plan changes with a little perspective, and somehow i still got what i wanted. - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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