fergie's Diaryland Diary


justify my love

Justify my Love

Recently, a buddy of mine professed his affection for a child half his age. His new �boyfriend� is just that -- a boy, all of 16.

In typical fashion, I asked him what the hell was up. He immediately went on the defensive, telling me I had to read his blog to get the whole story. This triggered an alarm. If you can�t answer a simple question in a single, rational sentence, you�re probably messed in the head.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and read his whiny ass, self-involved entries dedicated to his pedophilia. His words said that it wasn�t his intent to get involved with the hobbledehoy, that it was something that just happened, blah�blah bullcrap, and he even had the audacity to cap it all off by asking others not to judge him. He also threw in something about the boy�s horrible home life and escalated maturity level because of all the things he�s had to deal with.

None of that babble makes it any more acceptable. It only served to work in reverse. Having started college at 16, I was mature for my age but that never gave anyone permission to rape me, physically or emotionally. His justification totally pissed me off.

Regardless of how sexually aware or worldly any stripling boy might be, if he truly posses a mature intellect then he should know the situation is not appropriate for either of them to be involved in. I must add that I�m getting a more than a little tired of people going down a path they know is wrong for the most logical of reasons, then making some lame ass attempt to defend their actions by saying that others shouldn�t judge them for what they do. I say eff that.

I�m not here to judge. I strongly disagree with his point of view. That�s not a judgment of who he is as a person. There�s a difference. I�m saying that as a full grown adult he�s making a very poor choice to pursue a relationship with a minor.

I may have an opinion, but I�m not saying how anyone should live their life. That doesn�t stop me from telling someone that they�re making a poor choice, one that could have a grave effect on their legal status, unless they�re looking forward to being permanently labeled as a sex offender.

Adding insult to injury, he further attempts to justify himself by saying this relationship (it one can call it such) it�s the �best thing going at the moment.� That�s a terrible if not rather pathetic excuse, and an incredibly selfish reason to date someone.

Your friends don�t have to support or agree with everything that you do. In fact, real friends will tell you when you�re wrong. It�s time for a reality check, buddy. I truly believe people can make horrible mistakes, feel remorse and amend their actions. It is when they refuse to admit mistakes or take responsibility for their actions that I have no choice but to no longer associate with them.

Even I have my limits. Sick and wrong isn�t always acceptable fun. This is one line that should never be crossed.

8:24 a.m. - Apr. 27, 2006


Remodeling Freaks My Pussy

Remodeling Freaks My Pussy

Strange people making noise and a big mess in her house makes my little pussy totally freak out.

The past few days I�ve come home to construction aftermath as a team of workers first had to tear down all four walls and the ceiling of my bathroom before they could begin to remodel the drywall. Or something.

I�m not one of those tool-handy build-y type people. What I can tell you is that I�m staring at bare beams and wires.

This ordeal is taking a toll on my morning routine, already completely out of whack due to a very early wake-up call at 5 a.m.

Because it�s necessary for all of my products to be stored out and away from the bathroom, my day starts with an awkward battle against time and numerous physical obstacles (cabinet doors, shower door, bathroom door, doors, mainly) as I fight to gain consciousness before the crack of dawn.

Of course, I�m gone during the day when the actual construction takes place. Not poor kitty. She�s apparently been taking refuge under my bed for the duration. This is my guess, as I have to coax her out from hiding upon my return.

It takes some effort, but when she�s sure the coast is clear the bitching begins. Mow, they did this and mow there was so much noise -- then she runs over to different parts of the apartment to illustrate -- mow will you look at this mess!?

My bad parenting skills immediately kick in. After petting/feeding her a bit doesn�t calm kitty, I give her a little catnip. It makes her get those crazy wild eyes and run around and when the high wears off she takes a powernap.

My perverse addict nature, yet another reason I should never have children.

7:33 a.m. - Apr. 25, 2006



(Reuters) - Bausch & Lomb recently stopped shipping its ReNu MoistureLoc brand contact lens solution in the U.S., Singapore and Hong Kong after some users were diagnosed with a serious eye infection that may cause vision loss.

Now THAT is the very definition of irony: an incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use the word �ironic� incorrectly. They often confuse this word with �coincidence.� Just because it�s darkly funny doesn�t mean it�s ironic.

9:35 a.m. - Apr. 20, 2006


Decidedly Invidious

Decidedly Invidious
invidious in-VID-ee-uhs, adjective:
1. Tending to provoke envy, resentment, or ill will.

I have never been one to act with hostility, unless someone gets on my bad side. While I�d prefer to avoid confrontation, start some shit with me and I�ll finish it. Bitch mode? Hardly. Obliterate annihilate utterly destroy.

Last month our idiot bitch troll landlady served me an eviction notice because she refused my rent payment. A mistake was made, and the newly adjusted lease notification showed an incorrect total, which I paid in full. The error was not mine, I simply followed directions. Instead of making it right by acknowledging responsibility for the bad math and submitting a 30-day notice to correct the discrepancy, bitch tried to intimidate me into submission. Classic case of someone trying to make me pay for their stupidity, something I�m not particularly fond of. The reasons for which should be obvious.

I do enough stupid crap on my own that I have to correct. I�m not about to let someone shift the blame on me. I say eff that.

I paid the amount she asked for, then called the housing department and reported her sorry ass. Not only was I credited for the difference in rental amount, but they had the city inspector come out and check each unit in the building. I vaguely remember mentioning something about sub-standard living conditions when I reported the incident.

Low and behold, our building is not up to code and the management now faces a bunch of fines. They also have to replace all the fire doors, which are about $700 to $1000 each -- there are about 20 of them in the complex. In addition, my kitchen and bathroom are being completely redone.

Next, I�m getting new carpet.

11:12 a.m. - Apr. 19, 2006



Kids use bucket as toilet during school lockdown, bring new meaning to �show & tell.�

After a great deal of typically dumb-headed overreaction to merely proposed immigration law changes, some of the more absurd aspects of the week-long fiasco are being addressed by parents who probably should have been more concerned about the whereabouts and safety of their children to begin with.

Yes, I know that was one big long run on sentence but Christ on a cracker idiot people piss me off. Here�s the thrust of the story:

(L.A. Times) - Principal Angie Marquez imposed a lockdown at Worthington Elementary School on March 27 when nearly 40,000 middle and high school students across Southern California staged walkouts. Marquez apparently misread the district handbook and ordered the most restrictive lockdown -- one reserved for nuclear attacks. According to a high-ranking board official, the principal�s actions were �an honest mistake.�

Shut up and fire her already.

It�s always unfortunate when misdirected passion leads to a series of knee-jerk reactions from those on both sides of a debate that cause it to spiral out of control. This causes everyone to loose sight of the real issue at hand. For starters, taking to the streets in a massive protest invokes fear of irrational behavior on behalf of the general public. It simply sends the wrong message and does not make others sympathetic to the cause. These are voices that need to be heard, but they need a more rational, intelligent outlet. Parents and school faculty have a responsibility to show leadership. In many instances, this was the case. A number of parents physically tracked down their kids, pulled them out of the protest march, and dropped them off right back at school, where teachers dumped the regular curriculum in favor of special sessions that tackled immigration laws and the various proposed changes. They further encouraged students to become more active in politics in order to communicate their concerns and effect change.

Ultimately, each and every one of us has to THINK beyond any given situation. For my part, I avoided downtown and scoffed at news reports. In another typical move, congress stalled on the issue as the bill in question completely fell apart while political pundits on either side attacked each other. Progress, the American way.

9:53 a.m. - Apr. 17, 2006


6 Odd Habits

6 Odd Habits

So, I�ve been "tagged" on mySpace...you know the drill, the first person starts some random game and "tag" others to join in. I�m supposed to post 6 weird habits/things about myself and then list the names of 6 people to keep the game going.

I don�t really find that many people interesting enough to make such a request, so I�m changing that last part so it�s more inclusive -- if you�re reading this and feel compelled to tell the world what a freak you are, consider yourself "tagged"

(1) I have a tendency to keep a mental count when performing repetitive physical tasks, such as walking up or down a staircase. The same applies to punching out letters on the keypad of my phone if I�m sending a text message. Press "2" three times for "C" and such�this actually comes in quite handy when text messaging people while behind I�m the wheel of a car.

(2) In the same vein, I often time myself during various parts of the day. For example, the drive to my new workplace took me exactly 19 minutes and 42 seconds this morning, park to park. Though I�m far from perfect and generally disorganized, I like efficiency. I aim to better my time or use the recorded measurements to calculate the most efficient way to get a number of tasks done in the shortest amount of time.

(3) I usually handwrite notes in ALL CAPS. This practice forces me to slow down, making it possible to actually read the missive at a later point in time.

(4) Over the years, I�ve developed my own personalized shorthand. Although it is more efficient, it has nothing to do with the rational behind the cryptic locution. As previously stated I�m a bit disorganized, which means I often misplace various items. Even though most of these little reminders to myself are not incriminating, there�s really no need to take any chances or leave a detailed 'to-do' list behind that provides some crazy stalker an account of my day.

(5) Those notes, and any other pieces of paper that are discarded, are torn up into little tiny little pieces. Not paranoid, just like to destroy things. Cans are crushed, boxes smashed, pretty much anything heading for the wastebasket is trashed before it�s trash.

(6) Kitchen oddities: The microwave clock must be displayed and set to the correct time unless it is in use. Why I don�t know. Also, I keep a pair of old school scissors (metal with black handles) in the cupboard beside my serving plates. Even though they�re not used, this mirrors the arrangement my mother kept in her kitchen, which she picked up from her mother, who either had her own strange reason for doing so or was just a loon. My grandmother died when I was very young, and this is a small way to keep her memory a part of my everyday life.

1:23 p.m. - Apr. 07, 2006


not dead

No, I'm not dead.

Just so happens, hilarious things pop into my furry little brain all the time, I�m just nowhere near a computer at that particular moment. My home system is down for the count, and I�ve decided to invest in new everything, monitor, keyboard, you name it. In addition, I�ve started a new job and am no longer with those crazy condom people. Plus there�s the broadcasting class I started this semester, so �06 is rolling with a bunch of yummy newness. With so many recent changes, I have to take some time to sort out my deal, and will return to my usual posts here after spring break.

8:59 a.m. - Mar. 28, 2006


You�re not driving & neither should I

You�re not driving, and neither should I

Went out last night for a drink at AbbeyWood, the caf�/bar so large it threatens to take over West Hollywood�s gay ghetto. From what I can recall, I�d had a long night of it and a felt cocktail was in order. One martini turned into more than one, but exactly how many is a blurry mystery.

As a habit, my alcohol intake automatically cuts off at midnight so I can get home safely and don�t make an ass out of myself in public. Well, at least no more so than usual. Being an obnoxious bitch is one thing, quite another to turn into a messy drunken queen. So not diva.

The "Cinderella Rule," as I call it, generally limits consumption without having to think about how many drinks I�ve had during the course of the day. Evening. Whatever. Standing at six-feet with Irish/German genes in my drinking favor, it�s rare that I find myself shitfaced walking down Santa Monica Boulevard telling random passersby that they�re not driving because they�ve had too much to drink. And yet, there I was. No idea how I got home. Hope he was cute.

2:47 p.m. - Mar. 17, 2006


Fake it 'till you make it

Fake it �till you make it

Long, long ago, a hairstylist friend of mine imparted me with some beauty school wisdom. It was a life lesson in how to look like you know what you�re doing. Just pretend you do, act with authority, and the rest will eventually catch up. Its simple enough she told me, �Fake it �till you make it.�

When cutting hair, it�s easy to clip off a bit too much. The last thing a stylist should ever do is gasp in horror. Never tell anyone you�ve fucked up their hair, they�ll cry. Instead, stylists play it cool and slowly even things out, covering up their mistake. Hair grows out and lies differently in various sections of your head, so uneven cuts are easy to make for even the best in the business. Ever notice how sometimes one side of your head takes 20-minutes, but the rest is perfectly coifed in half that time? Even the smallest error takes time to fix.

Outside the salon, this is also a fact of life. One little slip can really set you back. Either you choose to panic or go with the flow and set things right. The key is never letting others become aware of the situation. In general, doing so only makes things worse. Don�t add to the drama.

I find you can fake most anything. Take confidence, for example. After awhile, if you keep telling yourself that you have every reason to be confident, you become what you pretend to be. Seriously, it works for me. But what the hell do I know; I�m a liar and a fake.

3:03 p.m. - Mar. 14, 2006


Land of Oblivion

Land of Oblivion

A fiercely independent nature can lead to feelings of complete isolation. Sometimes it�s like I�m on a deserted island watching a naval fleet sail past. Don�t worry about me guys, no need to stop or drop off supplies or even take notice, I�m doing just fine here on my own.

March to the beat of your own drummer and you might just find yourself marching alone.

3:13 p.m. - Mar. 13, 2006


Geek Bitch

Geek Bitch

The best part about being an egomaniac with a brain is a complete lack of self-consciousness in academic situations. Being a nerd doesn�t necessarily make someone a clumsy dork with poor social skills. It�s quite fun to be the fashionable and outgoing student with the only �A� in the class.

Much as I enjoy a fun session that looses the lecture in favor of Q&A, I�m there to learn and time is money. I paid tuition and expect to get something in return. When a fellow classmate asked a question clearly covered in this weeks reading assignment, I found myself pointing at him and blurting �You didn�t read chapter two!!� before our instructor could formulate a reply. Everyone laughed including the professor, who agreed with my assessment and said the answer could be found in our text. We moved on rather quickly after that.

So of course this kid gave me the evil eye for the rest of the class. As we were leaving I told him it was nothing personal, and that I would have said the same thing if he was a friend of mine. Somehow I think it only served to piss him off even more, as the statement does seem to indicate we�re not going to be buddies. I�ll admit this was basically my intent. I�ve found a good �warning shot� let�s people know where they stand right away. Once he starts doing his homework on his time and not mine, it�s entirely possible that I won�t look for ways to insult him every time he opens his mouth.

3:07 p.m. - Mar. 07, 2006


I want to kill

I want to kill

Everyone is getting on my fucking nerves today. I�m overly impatient, hypersensitive and super cranky. If I wasn�t having such a good hair day, someone would be dead by now.

Nearly body checked some dumpster diving Raggedy Ann cutting through the alley with my �take-out lunch� from the gas station. Bitch tried to give me sad puppy dog eyes as she sulked in my general direction. Asking for a handout, I opened the plastic bag in my hand to show her that my afternoon meal, at 1:45 pm, consisted of Arizona Ice Tea and a Milky Way Dark chocolate bar.

People piss me off when they try to elicit sympathy. It�s annoying. There�s a shelter half a block down the street. I told her so in stride, brushing past without pause.

3:03 p.m. - Mar. 03, 2006




February being short, my end of the month male-menstrual cycle apparently kicks over today. I�m very unpleasant and horny as fuck. A perfect end to this day would be mean spirited sex with someone I don�t like, so I can slap them around. That would be totally satisfying.

3:02 p.m. - Mar. 02, 2006



Going back to Tara

I have returned to Hollywood, back from that frighteningly peaceful tranquility set in the mid-west. After a night of card playing and tequila shooting with my family, this trip solidified itself as the best visit home ever. Drinking with mom is fun.

3:01 p.m. - Mar. 01, 2006


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