fergie's Diaryland Diary
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whos your fav x-men character-?
qTT: ok, total geek test.. who�s your favorite X-Men character-?
Fergie: hmm.. fav x-man?
qTT: yes (mine is storm)
Fergie: uhm..
qTT: (ps-not the Halle Berry version)
Fergie: i always thought iceman was cute
2:34 p.m. - Apr. 29, 2005
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cute people don't get traffic tickets
On route to some random fiesta last Friday night, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop. He asked if I knew why he stopped me. I replied that it might have something to do with the lane change I�d made only a moment ago before hanging a left turn without signaling, cutting off another vehicle in the process, all while talking on my cell phone and driving with one of my headlights out. My tone was respectful and the exchange concluded without a citation. Apparently, my erratic driving resembled someone under the influence of alcohol, clearly not the case. He gave me his card and suggested I pulled over to talk on the phone. "True," I said, "I�m really not the best driver as it is."
8:33 p.m. - Apr. 27, 2005
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I'll show you mine
I�ll Show You Mine
GlitterQueen would be first in line to wreck my shit if I tried to fake the size of 'it'
GlitterQueen: I can vouch for the penis size! Oh shit...was that supposed to be a secret? Oops. Thank Goddess for windows and the Canadian drinking age!
Thanks babe! Those were good times. Readers, take note: if in question about actual measurements vs. online fantasy inches, he won�t need to brag if everyone else is doing it for him
Oh, how fun it is to sin..
..as I recall (although admittedly, even sober memories are a bit spotty), the tinted material shading the hotel windows (thus obscuring my nakedness from Canada at large), had a thin, silvery reflective backing, which allowed you to sneak a peek at my privates. Although I never suspected you turned away during costume changes for the sake of modesty on MY behalf, I would have gladly given you the Full Monty � had I only known you were, in fact, adjusting your line of vision for a better gander at my goodies.
FYI, the offer still stands. Something to keep in mind next time we�re together. Just ask, I�ll show you mine.
5:05 p.m. - Apr. 23, 2005
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back to the present
Back To The Present
Almost inconceivably slow gas pumps at the Arco filling station have wound my forwardly journey back to present time. The future was fun! I can�t wait to do it again in four months.
2:22 p.m. - Apr. 22, 2005
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big penis comment
mySpace greets me with an exclamation point. Kenny has left a comment for you!
You have 2 comments! Well, here's a 3rd one.
"If y'all are wondering.. yes, Fergie is a really good kisser and has a big....heart.. and penis too"
8^)
I choose to deny comment, adding the following:
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny-! You can't go around telling everyone how big my penis is. Just your cute friends. ..hey, so.. how is it that you moved closer to me, yet I see you less often? Probably my fault, as I recently began to explore time travel. I�m currently three months ahead of you, but will return to our "present" 2005 soon. Just think, by the time you read this, I�ll already know your reply!
7:07 p.m. - Aug. 21, 2005
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time travel ain't all that
Astute readers may have noticed that my entries have skipped ahead in time by several months. Well, a few months. Three, to be exact.
This is not a server error. I've traveled by rickshaw to the very near future. It�s about the same.
12:11 a.m. - Aug. 20, 2005
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yoko-geri
Walking back to my car after the gym this morning, some dude riding a bike tried to cruise me. I mistakenly thought he was about to steal my bag, and knocked him flat on his ass with a yoko-geri to the ribcage.
11:12 p.m. - Aug. 14, 2005
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..the insomnia theory..
..the insomnia theory..
I should have been in bed hours ago...and yet, there�s a theory that mental instability caused by sleep deprivation drives the creative soul. That�s what I have to keep telling myself. It is my theory, after all.
3:21 a.m. - Aug. 13, 2005
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more than just april's fools..?
----Original Message Follows----
From: J.J. | Subject: More Than Just April's Fools?
A few weeks ago, I viewed the Bill Moyer's series of interviews of Joseph Campbell and found this little story to be interestingly relevant to current world events, so I thought I'd share it with you today:
"One day, the Trickster decided to pull one over on two friendly farmers, who were working in their fields on either side of the road. The Trickster put on a big elaborate hat, which on one side he painted red. The other was blue. Walking down the middle of the road, he came across the two farmers and waved to them. The farmer on one side saw his wild hat as red, the one on the other as blue. Later in the day, the Trickster returned down the road heading the opposite direction, but to further along his plot, he reversed his hat so that the same farmer who saw it red, would see it as red. Likewise the other would still see it as blue. When the two farmers finished with their daily chores, they headed to the local bar to hang out. Both commented on the ridiculous character wearing the hat. 'That was some crazy red hat he was wearing,' one farmer said. 'What do you mean? The hat was blue,' the other reported. 'No, it was red!.' 'Blue!' And then...the farmers got into a fight, each one quite sure that they were right over which color the hat had been. It escalated into such a brawl that it disrupted the entire bar, roping other customers in on the fight. They got close to killing each other. Finally the authorities came, and there was a local tribal judicial hearing to settle the matter over who was right. Somebody needed to pay for this outrage. Well, that's finally when the Trickster reappears, to settle the situation. He presents them all with his two-sided hat and explains how he pulled the fast one on the farmers. He laughs, enjoying greatly his devious prank. When asked why he did it, the Trickster replied: 'I find mirth where others feel dismay' ..!"
And so, although the matters of the world are very serious matters indeed, maybe we take things far too seriously in relation to each other. The world may not be so black and white (or red versus blue) after all. It just appears that way to rile us up.
3:33 a.m. - Apr. 09, 2005
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still no smarter than my microwave
Still No Smarter Than My Microwave
After pulling a late night/early morning writing marathon, I awoke Sunday afternoon even more disoriented than usual. My computer clock, alarm, and cell phone had all automatically adjusted to reflect the time change. I had not.
And, why the hell should anyone, really..?
Later, I did a quick clock-check to see if I could throw in some laundry while getting ready for a fundraiser, which was at seven. According to the microwave, it was exactly 420. A perfect timeframe, leaving within the next two hours, I�d rally at the fundraiser in an unpredictably prompt manner.
Unless, of course, the only clock I checked during that period � the flashing digital on Kid Microwave � was still an hour behind. When Mr. Bernard called to tell me his H & R Block Tax Time Tale of Horror, he also mentioned the correct time. I was half an hour late for the fundraiser, sitting on my couch folding laundry, casually chatting on the phone, clipping my fingernails. In the next three seconds, my car was pulling out of the driveway. Stupid microwave.
9:42 p.m. - Apr. 04, 2005
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Ding Dong! The Pope is Dead
Ding Dong! The Pope is Dead.
While I decided not to post my altered Wizard of Oz lyrics referring to JP�s passing, the sick urge to associate a musical rhythm with the death of a religious icon was impossible to resist.
Although it would really aid in drawing a completely black & white picture of global faith issues, my mind simply cannot define this man as a hypocrite or nemesis to my plight as a gay cowboy. I�m far more than just another gay boy at the rodeo, so too must I look for invisible layers that make up the whole of another. I am, however, still inclined to view the Popey as an inappropriately powerful person bent on counteracting social evolution by means of pseudo-religious propaganda. Still, it seems he acted in a way he believed was right, showing both conviction and compassion. It's not that he was a bad man, only a man who upheld bad values.
The true face of G-d is unconditional love. The single most powerful act with which we're capable also happens to be as simple as bearing no judgment against others. If we all acted without inflicting harm upon those around us, the meaning of peace would finally be realized.
However tragic it is to lock shields, I�ve not felt a sense to mourn JP's demise. It was a matter of time, without question of the inevitable. You make your own accord with these kinds of things, knowing a sense of relief when the suffering ends. From my casual observation, it appears that good ol� dead ol� John John checked out quite some time ago. The Vatican�s been propping his carcass up against a hospital window and shaking his head with a stick.
* Humorous aside...CNN actually reported on the reports of the global deathwatch by posting an article about the proliferation of media coverage devoted the drying poop. I mean dying soap. Pope!
To: the VIP list | From: Drewby
Subject: What did the Pope say to the dyslexic Russian gynecologist?
Who cares. But I'm sure it was something about how you should all come join us tonight for cocktails. Come celebrate the gay lifestyle!
From: LAGuy | RE: What did ..?
"Would you like some wine to go with that communion connie, oops, I mean wafer??"
�looking forward to seeing all you lovely bitches tonight.
From: Jk | RE: What did ..?
Don�t say wine and wafer!!! Oh poor Carol! Poor, poor Carol! Now the question is.... Who�s going next??? First Terri, then Carol aka Pope John Paul II..so.. weekend disaster??? Look out for those banana peels!!!
From: Fergie | RE: banana peel warning
Also, make sure to look both ways before crossing a kidney failure.
From: Drewby | RE: What did ..?
I�m voting for Jerry Falwell, or Pat Robertson. Does anyone have the toll free numbers we're supposed to call & vote for the religious figurehead we want to die next? I felt 84 was a bit old to be a contestant on AMERICAN RELIGIOUS IDOL � I think we can all agree; there�s clearly need for a hunky fresh face poking out of a far more revealing frock.
5:10 p.m. - Apr. 02, 2005
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April-05
2:03 a.m. - Apr. 01, 2005
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