fergie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another glamorous day begins Kitty was practically rabid this morning when I peeled my eyes open at 7:21am Per her usual routine, puss acts as the official backup after I hit snooze and kill the shrill buzz of my alarm clock. For reasons unknown, her generally benign game of peek-a-boo over the covers was replaced by a much more threatening claw to the face. I took this as a sign to feed her immediately, and she pounced on her food dish like a starving alley cat. As I stepped out of the shower, kitty proceeded to show her appreciation for the rush routine by regurgitating the undigested course upon my freshly washed feet. Another glamorous day begins. 8:08 a.m. - Mar. 29, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friday is always a good day Someone called the office yesterday to inquire about our hours during the holiday. After some obvious confusion on my part, he informed me that today is Good Friday. I replied that I consider every Friday a good one; it means I can sleep-in for the next two days. I wonder if a more appropriate name might have been considered in reference to the brutal slaying of a religious figure. I�m led to believe the experience was anything but "good." 7:47 a.m. - Mar. 25, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- recently deceased seasonal greeting cards Vomiting may be induced to properly express level of disgust. During a commercial break in tonight�s episode of Boston Legal, I was unwilling witness to a deeply disturbed American Lung Association ad, which depictes a young mother crafting homemade xmas cards � yet the spot is airing during the last week of March, for some bizarro reason � instead of the usual family photo on the front, the card is framed with a black and white picture of her little boy, taken before he fell ill and died from cancer. If xmas isn�t the most royally fucked up holiday already, the addition of "recently deceased" seasonal greeting cards really takes things to a new level of overkill. Seriously, that�s some sick shit. 9:59 p.m. - Mar. 20, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I live in filth I live in filth. I�ve become obsessed with cleaning my shower. Try as I might, the effects of several different cleaning products and cumulative hours of scrubbing have done little to remove traces of tile scum and mildew. Sparkling white perfection is all I ask, and it seems completely attainable when reading the back of any brand packaging. The labels fucking lie. I started by using the light and environmentally safe method line, and have slowly graduated to industrial strength Comet powder with bleach. The spots remain. It�s driving me fucking nuts. I no longer have fingerprints and may be going blind from all the chemical fumes. Not a bad high, though. 7:07 p.m. - Mar. 15, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- talkin' at ya Talkin� at ya I can't stand checking phone messages. It's just one of those little ticks of mine. It always seems kind of odd when someone has an entire conversation with my voice mail. If my input isn't necessary, why are you calling? I guess that's the point of a "message," but it still bugs the shit out of me. Call to talk, email or post to generally inform. Not my rules, talk to Emily Post if you take issue. I have caller ID, will call back. No need to prattle on, won�t be listening anyway. I don't leave voice mail, either. I can't stop myself from doing the same damn thing. 9:33 p.m. - Mar. 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Who do you think you are, Angelyne? To: Fergie
5:43 p.m. - Mar. 11, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ms. American Pie Ms. American Pie Today, driving home from the office, I thought of you. It�s not unusual, but you know that. While I may not surprise you as often as I used to, I heard your voice raise about 10 octaves when I called you @ home the other day � rather than communicating with you by our usual text methods. Didn�t see that one coming, gotcha. This evening you hit me right back. There are times I think of you and everything inside lights up. The difference is, you didn�t actually have to do anything to provoke it, at least, not directly. All it took was a song. This long-play treasure and a few James Taylor melodies are uniquely you, and because of this I love them dearly on my own. "These things must be done delicately�or you break the spell." You say. I think there is some kind of magic between us, a cosmic connection. I think of you as part of me. Mainly, I think of you, and the soundtrack is always really good. 6:26 p.m. - Mar. 08, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- resolutions My apologies, according to the Zodiac, I�m unable to make any immediate resolutions today. Aries: Do not make a sudden decision. Those pressuring immediate decisions are only hurrying things along to serve their own needs. Don't get caught up in the frenzy. 5:06 p.m. - Mar. 07, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LA Marathon It happens about this time every year, TV crews skew reality for the rest of world as the LA Marathon forces residents to become prisoners in their own homes. While most of the streets directly involved are blocked off for the entire day to accommodate a three-hour race, road rage flows through the city like bad blood in our veins. Today is not a good day to drive in Los Angeles. 2:10 p.m. - Mar. 06, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- theres a website for that Maybe we shouldn�t be so quick to embrace "technology" that ultimately makes us stupidly dependent upon it. Software is designed to perform most of the work associated with a specific task. It doesn�t mean it�s intended to think for you. Yet, in terms of 'memory,' it does. How many phone numbers do you have committed to memory? In college, I remember being amazed at the phonebook in Glitter Queen�s head. She could produce any random cute boy's digits or birthday without pause. Point is, with the increase of numbers per individual, website passwords, account and screen names, I can barely keep track of my own contact information. Plus, I just don�t have the energy/motivation. There�s a website for that. 9:09 p.m. - Mar. 03, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- March-05 Le Bella Pooch and I started running laps around Condomania HQ as part of our morning cardio routine. All was going well until she got overexcited and peed on the floor. 5:43 p.m. - Mar. 01, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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