fergie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- courtesy Courtesy As predicted, opening up this weblog to comments has drawn a few banal and completely generic negative posts from some anonymous dick weed cunt face. This isn't that kind of place, except when I do it, because it's my space and I'll do what I want. I've responded to negative commentary in the past -- and even though there is a certain satisfaction in annihilating someone with a crippling insult in a world wide forum -- it is nonetheless a useless exercise that has no real place here. I already make fun of myself enough as it is and refuse to take anything that seriously. Although I must say that I do sincerely appreciate those of you who took to my defense in any negative posts. You rock, party people! But enough of that. No more fighting and bickering in the comments please y�all. We can be wicked and still polite. Anyway, you won't find any evidence of our anonymous guest, dear readers. Moderating the comments is very easy, so let's not speak of it again! 5:30 p.m. - Nov. 30, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nov.06 I Quit Everything This month has been a complete downward spiral in terms of personal habits. It started out well enough, good intentions and all that. Eventually, I gave up on my novel idea, stopped going to the gym, neglected my mail, ate like someone twice my size, sat around on my lazy ass and haven't washed my hair since last week. Some part of me just wanted to quit everything and get fat. Except, I actually ended up losing three pounds. I'm suddenly inspired to announce my new fad diet: Do Everything You're Not Supposed To Then Sleep for Three Days Straight -- This totally natural diet plan encourages you to binge on all your favorite foods and then essentially hibernate for a long weekend. It's totally how bears lose weight, I swear. Never mind that they emerge from thier slumber moments away from organ failure and nearly die of starvation. And the best part -- it's totally compatable with my last diet sensation, Chocolate for Breakfast�! 3:21 p.m. - Nov. 28, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lightbulb The Good Mechanic So I was shitty all day because my passenger headlight went out. That alone didn't really annoy me but the suggestion in the car manual that I take it to a certified VW dealer to have the headlight bulb changed did. I say eff that. Because of my natural inclination to procrastinate, I knew it would be much faster to go to a dealer and pay them to fix it -- plus I'm often pulled over for stupid little things like that and have to go through the tortuous "fix it ticket" process with is fairly cheap but the effort is worth three times the amount. Still, I went to one of those pep boys auto shop things and bought the bulb, determined to change it myself. I mean it's a freaking light bulb. But no such luck. I was not able to figure out how to properly remove the casing and there are like all these metal rods and stuff. Since the damn manual didn't have simple step by step instructions, this meant I did actually need someone else to do it for me. A quick internet search determined this could cost me. Money. Like $45 - $55 Thankfully on the way home I talked to Mr. Bernard, who informed me that Gobblefest isn't on the 25th as I believed for some reason. That solidified my holiday plans and put me in a better mood. Then I was completely elated when my usual car place popped the light in for me absolutely free. Love them for real. 5:29 p.m. - Nov. 21, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- re-outing I'm coming out ... I want the world to know When someone comes out of the closet -- publicly stating that they are gay -- it's usually the kind of news that everyone who cared to already knew about or had guessed with relative ease. Over the past year, the Asian guy on "Star Trek," that blond dude who used to be in a boy band, that guy on "Grey's Anatomy" and Doogie Houser all came out. None of them were exactly "in" the closet to begin with and the news registered with ho-hum response relatively low even on the Ellen/Rosie queer shocker scale, but it got me thinking ... am I openly gay enough? I felt it was time to reconfirm what you should already know in a manner becoming of this blog. Fergie comes out of the closet with a bang! They say even bad press is good press, right? 7:21 a.m. - Nov. 17, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- comfy comfy The only thing I could think about from the moment I woke up this morning was crawling inside my fluffy new robe and rolling back under the covers. 5:43 p.m. - Nov. 16, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nanowrimo Novel Idea November is national novel writing month (NaNoWriMo) -- I thought it would be like so easy to pound out (roughly) 1,700 words a day for 30 days and have a completed 50,000 word first draft by the 30th. It might have been, had I not scraped my original idea in favor of using the central characters from a short story of mine that was published by Alison Press in Blood Lust: Erotic Vampire Tales. I'm much happier with the result but my daily word count has jumped to 2,500 words a day. ps-word count is used to measure length because the number of pages can vary depending on font and size, but 2-3 thousand words equals something like 6 or 7 pages. Or maybe eight, or five. Doesn't matter, because I haven't written a total of 2,500 words yet ... so basically, to keep on track I'll have to double the amount of material I've written up to this point -- today. And then every day after that. But all I can think about is taking a nap. 12:21 p.m. - Nov. 12, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- guestbook Now with comments! First it was my archives, which are still rather fucked, now its my guestbook. Dammit all to hell. Sorry kids, the guest book is broken. I always write back if you e-mail me, but you never e-mail, dear reader. Seriously, I get like nada that isn't meant for fucking Stacy Ferguson aka the other, other Fergie. OK not exactly true -- I do hear from some of you -- but just to clear up any possible confusion: I'm not her. I'm like the gay version of her, only I don't sing or "rap" or do crystal meth or piss my pants in public (or in private, for that matter). I've gotten rather off subject, so let me get back on track with the guestbook. It is down until further notice. I installed lovely comments. Please use them, dear readers, I enjoy hearing from you. 7:09 p.m. - Nov. 10, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sleepy kitty You're getting sleepy ... very sleepy 8:56 a.m. - Nov. 10, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- use the c-word Use the C-word I went completely ape shit on some little blonde chick this afternoon on my drive home from work. When you really want to snap someone to attention, call them a cunt. I swear it works every time. Anyway this bitch had it coming. She came into oncoming traffic to swerve around a van that was attempting to parallel park. I say attempting because every asshole in Los Angeles refuses to just wait mere moments for the car in front of them to move -- thus becoming the obstacle everyone else has to wait for or move around, mainly, the person trying to park. Like it or not, those people have the right of way. If they stop, indicate and back up, you have to allow them to pass. Just like you�re not supposed to block the intersection -- another LA asshole trait -- so people can�t make a left hand turn. In this particular circumstance, I happened to be in the oncoming lane. Note to all other drivers: When I have the right of way there is no stopping me until we nearly collide and both have to stop. If I don�t get to go, nobody go! The van that was parking wasn�t in my lane, and I wasn�t about to stop because some stupid lady decided to cross over onto my side of the road when she should have been waiting her turn. I signaled for her to stop by honking my horn, and she threw up her hand and shook her head like I was violating her rights in some way. Indignant cow. Because I kept moving forward (see note above), she had nowhere to go, so I rolled down my window and informed her she didn�t have the right of way, and that she should wait for the van to park before proceeding. Oh and also, she was a stupid cunt. Then I drove off. 3:46 p.m. - Nov. 09, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the dry coffee well The dry coffee well Twice yesterday I went into the kitchen, only to find the coffee pot was empty. Entertainment industry types require those industrial-type coffee makers with the large cylinder pots. It doesn�t take much effort to make a new batch, but it does take time for the entire thing to brew. The first bit comes out like molten freak espresso, which would be fabulous if it was digestible. It pays off to wait until it�s done brewing. I don�t have the temperament in the morning to wait around watching coffee brew. It would drive me mad with its slow pace and gurgling sounds. So I went back to my desk. The second time I walked to the kitchen and had to make a new pot, I cursed God and all that is holy. 4:56 p.m. - Nov. 08, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- post-election day Post-election day From the New York Daily News: Open your eyes and take the finger out of your throat. They're over. Yes, you're officially free -- for now -- of those ads that made you feel like you had two choices: Vote for the terrorist lover who's using tax dollars to open a Build-a-Bomb Workshop in the Tora Bora Mall. Or vote for the bad guy. Ha-ha! That rag is hilarious. And occasionally dead on. Elections totally blow. But they do produce really cool maps. Check out the "view map" area down by Florida. 5:37 a.m. - Nov. 08, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- november in lala land "Jesus, Mary and Joseph it's hot in here," I say, sweltering in shorts and a light pullover hoodie unzipped to the navel. "Welcome to November," he replies. There's nothing like fall in Southern California...! 7:25 p.m. - Nov. 06, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- anti-gay people are gay Anti-gay people are so gay Church group's gay sex scandal offers reaffirming "I told you so" about overzealous religious leaders who preach against homosexuality: They're big fags. Reverend Ted Haggard -- an outspoken opponent of gay marriage -- voluntarily recused himself as president of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals after being accused of having a gay relationship and abusing drugs. More specifically, he was allegedly taking methamphetamine (crystal) during sessions with a male prostitute. In the wake of the aftermath, an inner-church memo reveals that he admitted to some of the accusations against him. "He confessed ... that some of the accusations against him are true." What a shock. This completely throws off my perception of the world around us. Next thing you know someone will accuse a sports figure of rape, or a rap star will face criminal charges after drugs and guns are found in their car during a routine traffic stop. 11:52 a.m. - Nov. 03, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nov.O6 Post-weenie IM Being hung over after a big holiday celebration is one thing, because it would indicate I was only drunk last night and not still this morning. The WeHo Halloween festival last night was the usual madness. For whatever reason, people think you "have a problem" if you start taking days off from work because you partied too hard the night before. So here I am in the news room. The only consolation is that I'm not alone in my sad state. WWJVD (Who Wouldn't J.V. Do?): omg i cant even thinks straight 7:47 a.m. - Nov. 01, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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