fergie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mama Fergie Rocks She�s got the power. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call from Mama Fergie to set me back into place. City life is so busy, so congested; I almost forget that my parents don�t speak to me on their cellular, nor are either one of them ever in their car staring at the ass end of traffic while they're talking to me. When the conversation breaks because there�s a white rabbit in Mama Fergie�s yard, I�m instantly transported. The bunny blissfully hopped under the fence before any of the dogs saw it. Picking up the conversation, I asked my mother how she was doing. "Well," she said sweetly, "I came home for lunch today and told you�re father I hadn�t realized the terrible mood I was in until I yelled a trucker so loud it hurt my throat." I started to ask if she was in a better mood, but she continued. "He had it coming." I knew it was best to let her tell the story. Apparently, the trucker had parked his rig off the side of the country road they live on, sitting just before the railroad tracks. This made it impossible to see if it was clear without driving blindly up a hill into oncoming traffic. So she yelled at him, and from what I gather, really gave him what for. My mommy�s not afraid of big ugly truckers.* After lunch with my father, she took the same route back to her office. The trucker had moved to the Eagles parking lot down the road. "Oh, that�s nothing," Mama Fergie said over my laughter, "I once told a police officer to move because I couldn�t see around his patrol car while he was parked at the corner scanning for speeders. He even apologized. But then, I hadn�t yelled at him, because he was just doing his job." My mom totally rocks.
7:08 p.m. - Aug. 24, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You may know me from such sites as Friendster, MySpace, Connexion, and Gay.com You may know me from such sites as Friendster, MySpace, Connexion, and Gay.com First it was my friendsters, but they became disconnected, many just a few digital photos and bulletin board posts from someone I�d never actually met in person. Then, in effort to �network� with others in my area, I made connexions with half of my friendsters. Now, I think I have too much time on my hands. Downelink is totally random and I�m not really mixing well with MySpace people for some reason. I get the feeling I�m late to the party on that one. And then I have to ask myself, why? I�ve met a few cool people out of billions on the web. I guess it�s something to do when I�m bored. 11:18 p.m. - Aug. 23, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- da trees Agent_007: did you make it up early on Sunday? Fergie: yup Agent_007: good Fergie: back is hurting Agent_007: awww...did you lift things wrong? Fergie: no...they were heavy ass trees & shit Agent_007: yuck Fergie: 4 guys sliding a lemon tree off a patio Agent_007: uh-huh Fergie: and I was like, directing them Agent_007: I knew you would find some way to "delegate" Fergie: someone has to be in control Agent_007: and it really should be you...it really should :-) Fergie: I know! we were done in less than 3 hours Agent_007: I�m still waiting for the reason why your back was hurting Fergie: omg--big freaking trees. it was moving da trees Agent_007: hmm...I�m trying to picture these potted "plants" Fergie: imagine trees, because they were trees 7:37 p.m. - Aug. 17, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just wrapping things up Just wrapping things up. Homosexuality, as we understand it today, is never mentioned in the bible. [Just FYI, scholars agree, I didn't pull this theory out of my ass] The bible only refers to man-on-man in terms of cleanliness [and goes on to say that women shouldn't leave the house when they're not "clean" i.e. their period. This is the Leviticus chapter, which details goat sacrifices]. It also states that there should no relations before marriage; therefore any sexual act before that time is a sin. You see, thousands upon thousands of years ago, the numbers just weren�t there for the gay people. Throughout history [and clearly in the animal kingdom] there are examples of homosexuality. One line in hundreds of other discarded lines does not condemn what science and psychology tell us about human sexual behavior. Plain and simple, this is a pitiful case against not accepting gay people as one of G-d�s children. Shame on them. Coming from anyone that relies on an old book to tell them how to think, I openly disregard it. The Queen had some other thoughts. More on a different type of "God" The End. 6:57 p.m. - Aug. 17, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pain, pain, so much pain Pain, pain, so much pain. My Sunday morning was not spent in church. This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. It my be surprising, however, that the day was spent doing manual labor. Me. Lifting things. Heavy things, like gigantic planters, which were removed from a slightly crooked deck which swayed each time it was released from the weight of the stone back breakers. This evening, after crawling into the apartment and promptly icing my sore back, I told my roommate if I ever mentioned doing heaving lifting again to saw off my legs. Then the whore asked if I wanted to fly to Arizona to help his mother move. Giving him my patented evil glare I asked, Are you deaf, bitch? He recoiled and answered, "So...no?" Not unless muscle relaxers and copious amounts of alcohol are supplied in addition to the promised airfare and wad of cash. Whoever called this type of earning "easy money" should be shot in the eye. 7:08 p.m. - Aug. 16, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my kind of party �another random downe exchange: Evan: Sex, drugs and rock n roll? Let's roll... 11:11 p.m. - Aug. 14, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- speaker van man Still not the one. Yesterday a man in a van pulled up beside the limo and asked if I wanted to buy speakers. I find it rude to yell from one car to another while on the road, and usually travel with my windows up for this very reason. I don�t have any Grey Poupon and I�m bad with directions. There�s no reason to talk to me. I declined his offer to sell me speakers out of the back of his van. I prefer a warranty, I told him, but thanked him nonetheless. He persisted. I rolled up the window. Just before it came to a close, he told me to fuck myself and called me a faggot. There are a few idiot things people do that flip my crazy switch. Using this epithet is one of them. My blood boiled. I had to do something. As the light turned green, I instructed Driver to pull beside him. I held my cell phone to my ear and, as he watched in his rear view, clearly read off his license plate number. He shrieked. He shook his fists. Then he made a hand-to-mouth gesture that suggested he wanted a hot dog. For someone who used the word "faggot" as a derogatory term, his air-cocksucking technique appeared to be well practiced. Then he manically flew across three lanes and made an illegal u-turn, squealing his tires and cursing me the entire time. He didn't even notice the patrol car sitting at the cross. Suddenly, flashed his lights and the officer took off after the van. People never learn. It�s still fun to teach them a lesson, then point and laugh. 6:06 p.m. - Aug. 12, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you can't out bitch this bitch Roman tries to be a bitch. My friend Roman is cute. Really cute. His boyfriend's cute, too. They get my sassy sense of humor, and I like it when others laugh at my jokes. I�ve noticed that as people become more comfortable with me, they start stealing snappy remarks from my �101 Ways to be Charmingly Sarcastic� handbook. This is cute, too, and I give them the benefit of the doubt in regards to showing a different side of their personality, rather than imitating mine. The fun part about being a bitch is that I�m always able to come up with an equally dry retort. I recently joined a new service called downelink. Down-e-link. I still don�t know what that means. I�m guessing, like, everyone is "down" in the sense of being cool, keeping his business in order, doing his own gay thing. Whatever, I know what these sites are all about. Booty shopping online. For my profile, I choose an appropriate picture from my personal gallery and listed my interests as Sex, Drugs, and Rock-n-Roll.
Aww, so cute! Roman tries to be a bitch.
10:10 p.m. - Aug. 10, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- now that's a house party Shake it 'till it hurts, girls. When one of the hosts is passed out face first in the middle of the living room floor the next morning, you know it was a mother fucking house party. That pretty much sums up my trip to SF with The Whore this weekend for his friend�s birthday and Prophecyboy�s housewarming. I brought mini, but I can�t be the guy at the party with the camera. It puts people off and trying to set-up different shots is a buzz kill for everyone involved. According to The Whore, who would be an authority on such things, house parties are for making out with cute boys. It made sense at the time, so instead of taking pictures that's what I did. Those are better mental images anyway. Besides, I was able to snap some shots of the beautiful mountainside on our trip home. 8:59 p.m. - Aug. 09, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just to say I told you so Just to say I told you so. My horoscope from today confirms what I revealed in my last cosmic post: A very rare planetary alignment occurs when Jupiter is in disharmony with Pluto, spilling secrets all over the place. Now is the time to seek answers. When chaos is in the mix, even the most graceful diva is likely to spill her purse if you trip her up. 6:12 p.m. - Aug. 06, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- re: faith Re: faith 10:17 p.m. - Aug. 05, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blind faith Religion and G-d have been on my mind lately. I started an email string with my father & brother with an essay about how gays are excluded from the church. Truth is, real Christians don�t turn people away, and I�ve mistakenly started to picture everyone in the Jesus posse with the same face. True believers, like my mother, know they don�t have all the answers, but they do the best they can to treat everyone with kindness. My brother�s wife is another fine woman of faith, and has encouraged him to attend church. They debate over details, but the message is the same. Love. To believe in G-d is to believe in love. The first time you feel something that powerful, you know in your heart you're only a small part of a much greater sum. It is love that forces us to consider people other than ourselves. It is love that allows us to give so willingly, and to be rewarded by doing so. As a whole, I view religion as a system of control. Historical facts support this theory, but they are far too long and complicated to go into. On one hand, I believe if you support a church that allows discrimination within it�s organization, you are ultimately supporting discrimination. On the other hand, women have been much greater victims of discrimination that I almost feel I don�t have a right to bitch until they get their just respect. This week, Missouri took an amendment to the Missouri constitution banning same-sex marriage to the polls. "I have friends who are homosexual, but I'm also a Christian," a Missouri voter was quoted as saying. "God did not intend men to marry men or women to marry women." I have two main issues with this statement. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I hold nothing against their right to express their vote. However, it is more than a bit hypocritical to say they've accepted gay people as friends, yet go on record to deny them equal rights. More importantly, G-d never said he specifically did not intend for men to marry men or women to marry women. Scripture written in a dead language from over two thousand years ago might not set the most appropriate standards for modern life. The bible was written long before our culture understood and acknowledged homosexuality as a lifestyle. Therefore, the bible has no official comment on gay issues. The anti-gay attitude expressed by the far right is propaganda in the guise of love and compassion in Christ's name. It�s bullshit, and real Christians know it. Faith is important. Blind faith is dangerous. 10:10 a.m. - Aug. 04, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is G-d? What is G-d? At the funeral, he asked aloud, "Where�s G-d in all this?" "Don�t you see all these people?" She replied quietly. "Look around you, there is G-d." The woman was my mother, speaking her sister's funeral. She didn�t even blink before giving an answer. Faith. Mama Fergie taught us all a lesson about faith that day. And still, that is the best definition of G-d I have. Not some guy with a white beard up in the clouds pulling strings, but compassion, empathy, and love here on Earth. 8:50 a.m. - Aug. 03, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aug. 04 God or G-d? I prefer to use the Jewish shorthand. It's "a spelling of the word without erasing or defacing the name." Since I don�t believe in the traditional version of this character, I felt I needed to find a substitute, but one that respected those of faith and my own Lutheran background. Not identifying closely enough with another religion (except Buddhism, which has no name for it), G-d seems to work best. Scratch your head if you will, it makes me feel better. People know I'm not writing about the Christian God in Heaven, and that�s the point. 8:48 a.m. - Aug. 03, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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