fergie's Diaryland Diary

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meg

meg
My best friend Meg and I talk almost everyday online. She has been an incredible friend over the years, as well as in inspiration. I just love her to death. The other night we talked about various things, from boob jobs to the private journal she keeps on diaryland, and of course her wedding, which I will be back in ohio for in may. Meg and I have a lot in common, and have also been through some crazy times together. In the end, we have always been the one the other turns to for support and strength. Even if we were both leaning on each other, somehow, we always managed to stay standing. Well, ok, we did fall a couple of times. But hey we got right back up.

Never once have we been in an argument. Never once have I taken her for granted. I know she is a kindred spirit and we somehow found each other on this planet. Beyond it all, we get each other.

Here I�d like to present an excerpt from her diary. I want to encourage her to tell her story in her words. She is an amazing and inspiring person, and it�s just not fair to keep her all to myself. I will add some commentary [LIKE THIS] too add any clarity that is needed for the story. Meg is a survivor and belongs to an online organization for others who have been abused. This is one other thing we share. Sexual abuse is a scar that may grow smaller, but always remains visible. Even the strongest of us can be weak and need support. It is here that we can write about these feelings and allow others to draw strength from our words of hope. Then there are times when some lesbian drama breaks out, and you can laugh out loud at how crazy the world really is, all on it�s own.

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ho-ly COW you won't BELIEVE the stuff going on right now. ok well, first let me preface by saying this: i am not a cyber geek. i do not sit online all day downloading RAM's or uploading anti-virus hard drives onto my cd-rom, or whatever. however, i do have friends on here. first off, the IM services are an excellent way to talk to Wes [THAT�S ME!], and e-mail is great for family members who are long distance or when you have to tell someone something but don't want to hear them bitch at you. e-mail beats the shit out of a person to person chat you'd sooner avoid. and i have other friends. girls from my online support group who I can honestly say have saved me from doing myself various harms on more than one occasion. they have kept me from being alone, held me up when i couldn't hack it myself, and afforded me the opportunity to feel needed and useful by helping them out. that being said, on to the shit.

ok, well, the first person i met from ripple [THE SUPPORT GROUP]when i joined in february was tikee [NOT HER REAL NAME]. tikee, in turn, introduced me to belinda and jasmine, also from ripple. now, for future reference, jasmine is married with 3 kids. anyway, i fell right into place with these newfound survivor friends. i fit in with them in a way i never had, because for once, i knew i wasn't an emotional freak. i found that most of what i had always considered to be 'little inanities,' were not at all uncommon amongst ppl who had shared similar experiences. I began serious work on my healing. that action and the feeling of being supported by 100's of other ripples bonded by the same pain and supporting me in reaching the same goal, opened me to beginning to let myself feel all sorts of things that for various reasons, i had denied myself before. One of those MANY feelings was an attraction to tikee. we talked about it and it turns out, she was attracted to me too (until then, we had neither one ever 'dated' another woman), so we began to casually 'date' insomuch as you can date over the web [CYBER-DYKE].

Anyway, a things went on, i met a girl named mo from ripple and brought her into our circle (she has since kinda dropped out). well one day, i made a post to ripple about my bizarre eating habits and my attitude about my weight. (here, i should interject that right around this time, i met [HER FINANCE] and tikee and i very amiably broke up) so i got several responses, among which were one from tikee and one from a girl named maggie. maggie and i began to msg each other one night when tikee came on. so i intro'd the two since we all had something in common. i ducked out of that convo early to go to bed and didn't come back online and see them for a week or so. when i did, lo and behold tikee and maggie are together. i hadn't even known maggie was a lesbian, but indeed, she is and she was/is in fact LIVING with her g/f whom she wanted to break up with, named Val.

Now, Val is an abuse survivor too, but not a ripple. anyway, i didn't have cause to talk to her, which is good because tikee and maggie hid their relationship from her and asked me not to say anything. tikee spent weekends with maggie and even after maggie broke up with val, they still kept it on the low down. then, out of nowhere, maggie breaks up with tikee before going on vacation to ny.

btw, remember how tikee brought me into the fold and intro'd me to her friends (who subsequently became my friends)? ok, well she did the same for maggie AND val, so now, because of my borderline anorexia, we have a lot of networking going on here, not to mention all the dating, which was, as i said, kept on the low down (even tikee and i). networking, i might add, that due to my scarce presence recently on the web, i didn't realize was going on. what i mean is, i didn't realize that maggie and val were now on everyone else's buddy list, and we ALL know each other (bear in mind that i brought maggie, and inadvertently val, into this web, which is totally bizarre in itself. i'm used to trying like mad to get myself accepted into a group, not being so settled i am initiating new ppl).

Now, as i mentioned before, maggie went to ny, and that is how i got to talking with val. val is very kind and sweet and she and i have bonded which (and this is not meant to be a detraction from val's personality etc.) is not hard to do when you have the mortar of a common sexual abuse history. enter jasmine (remember, married, 3 kids?). turns out val and jasmine have been talking--a LOT. as in, jasmine is fed up with her man and is seriously considering leaving him--for val.

now that i have written this out, my mind is not so a flurry with the 'what the hell?'s. i now have only 2 questions. 1) maybe i should stop bringing good ppl into my circle of friends only to have their lives significantly altered, do you think? and 2) who should win the emmy for the daytime drama?

LMAO
-m
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[NOW WASN'T THAT FUN?]