fergie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her Majesty�s Return Her Majesty�s Return. Meow, "No hard feelings, you knew it could never last. You�re an alley cat, I�m domestic," meow. Chaos said over her shoulder, heading into the bushes below our apartment as I watched from the balcony. Only moments before, I�d been sitting in the living room when a chill had run up the back of my neck, the cool LA night breeze coming in from the open sliding door facing the street. When I went over to shut it, I witnessed the scene below. With a sad, forlorn look in his eyes, whiskers drooped, the cat with the stripes from the other side of the street turned to look at Miss Chaos Kitty one last time, uttering a meek Meow, "You know what parking garage I sleep in, visit me?" Meow. before slipping away into the shadows. Chaos sat for a moment, then turned her attention to our balcony, sitting directly underneath it and shouting in her loudest kitty voice: Meow, "Hey! I don�t remember where the stairs are! Help me, I�m tired of using the bathroom outside, I have dirt under my nails and bits of shrub in my tail, I need to use the litter box NOW." Meow. I made my way down the stairs, which are about six feet away from my apartment door. Bitch knows where the damn stairs are, she wants to be carried because then she�ll know her daddy�s not mad at her, or at least she�ll be close enough to claw me if I discipline her. Which, for the record, I�ve only done once and it was because she pooped on Whitney�s chair. For the second time. I spanked her little but and she hid under the kitchen sink for several hours. It took me the better part of twenty minutes to talk her out of drinking the liquid drainer and to get her out from under there. Naturally, all animals can sense emotion, and they know when you�re pissed. Well, not all dogs do, but that�s because dogs are pretty stupid. Returning to her third-floor Queen Suite, she addressed her court, sitting delicately on one of the plush green pillows in the middle of the couch. Miss Chaos was promptly removed from her throne, and placed in her kitty-carry-all-bag to visit the royal vet. Securely locked in place, the diva did thrash and shout quite a bit, but no dirty little girl is infesting the real queen bee�s apartment with scuzzy bugs, honey. Let me tell you we had a talk in the car. More accurately, I tried to sedate kitty while she howled at the top of her lungs the entire time. Thank G-d the vet is at the end of the block, that bitch can pierce an eardrum with her sonic meow. A cute little bunny was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor�s office, which provided a nice snack for Chaos before she was taken to the back where she�d be staying for her check up and bath the following day. It was hard to part with kitty again so quickly, but I got over it and grabbed a double cheeseburger from down the street. One day later, a refreshed, sleek, and elegant looking kitty came home to stay. Until her next adventure, I suppose. I asked kitty what she�d been up to, but she only closed her eyes and rested her soft little head on her paws, drifting off to sleep in her ultra deluxe fuzzy glamour bed, which sits high above the kingdom on top of the closet. 11:11 p.m. - May. 28, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- trade in From: fergie hey there, thanks for your guestbook post. it really is interesting how we all touch each other and that our stories weave into one another's lives. kitty has gone missing before. she always comes back ;) one time i was so upset, and she'd been gone long enough i thought about going out and getting a new kitten or i'd just cry. of course she came back immediately. i think she likes to play mind games and torture her poor daddy.
Kitty is in my thoughts...and if she doesn't come back, I have a really cool Guinea Pig you can have!
yes, but is it an EVIL guinea pig?
Well, that depends on your definition of "Evil". He squeals like a pig in heat when you try to put him back in his cage. Yes, I do believe he is an evil little bastard! I KNEW we shouldn't have given him a bad ass name like Harley!
dear god, i don't know if the two of them are some sort of freaky genetic twin experiment gone wrong, but it sounds like they would get along great! provided they didn't kill each other first. my money would be on chaos kitty. no offense to your evil guinea pig, but i've seen her literally jump up onto, and run down the length of a wall matrix style to kick this big male cat's ass when he climbed in the window at my old house. no bullshit, which is about all i have to offer, but this is for real true. not climbing up the curtains, not bouncing off the wall, but running across the fucking wall like croutching tiger hidden kitty, then leaping onto his back, tucking herself under to roll him on top of her so she could take her back legs and launch him head first into the closet door. they say cats always land on their feet but he did not. he did, however, run through the house and back out the window so fast i could only see his tail. well, fur flying off his tail as he ran. chaos followed behind at a trot, stopping halfway just to glare at him as he made his way out. "Meow," she said, "Tell your friends, tell all your friends. meow." i've never seen anything like it... i was so proud. and you'll be happy to know kitty came home. i'll post about Her Majesty�s Return later this week. 9:09 p.m. - May. 26, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why do you blog? Why do you blog? Guestbook post, Wednesday,May 21, 2003 5:45 a.m. - May. 26, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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